


Your name on my skin

by MellyCrazyCoconut



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x20 does not exist, Cas is a calendar hottie, Dean saved Cas, Finale? What Finale?, First Kiss, Human Castiel (Supernatural), M/M, Set right after 15x19, Tattoos, dean's cowboy kink is showing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 08:48:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29839020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MellyCrazyCoconut/pseuds/MellyCrazyCoconut
Summary: Dean has a cowboy-calendar collection. Cas is in one.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 3
Kudos: 29





	Your name on my skin

The moment Dean gets the text, his heartrate speeds up. His package was just delivered at the post office. Finally! He throws on his jacket, grabs his keys and with a “Going out, be back in an hour!” he’s out the door. He had seen the questions written all over Sam's face, but there would be no explanation. Noooo... this is something he won’t share with anyone.

After collecting the package, he can’t get home fast enough. He parks Baby in the garage and sneaks up to his room. No time for distractions, he’s been waiting for this special edition for years. The crowning jewel of his super-secret collection...

Dean locks the door, carefully unboxes the item, removes the foil and releases a shuddering breath... Before him lays the 2015 Special Edition of “Ride ‘em Hard”. A cowboy calendar, known for its artistic nudes. This specific edition is called “Angels ride among us”, a calendar filled with pictures of cowboys portraying angels. Best of both worlds if you ask him...

His collection had started the moment they moved into the bunker. He’d been thinking about it for years, but with no place to hide them from Sam, buying them was a no-go. And then suddenly he had a room of his own. Privacy. He still keeps them in a black box under his bed though... Sam may suspect that Dean’s bi, but he doesn’t want to talk about it. Doesn’t want the teasing. It’s a part of himself he always felt he had to hide. Gaining their freedom and Cas’ “last words” have made him come to terms with who he really is, but he’s not quite there yet.

Settling down on his bed, he starts looking through the calendar. Wow... this photographer is a genius... The lighting perfectly accentuates the muscles, the hats are all white (nice touch...) and there’s a softness to the pictures that stands in harsh contrast with the roughness of these men... Dean is entranced.

After drooling over the August one (a gorgeous redhead laying back on haybales with white feathers laid out in a wing-pattern and his hat covering his junk), he turns over the page to September... and his breath hitches.

It’s Cas. He’d know that profile anywhere.

He’s portrayed from the back, looking down and over his left shoulder. He’s wearing a white Stetson and jeans. There’s a whip in his left hand, stretching over his back, held up by his right hand. He’s all tanned skin and firm muscle... but the one thing that stands out most, the one thing Dean’s eyes are absolutely fixed on, is the tattoo.

There are big black wings on Cas’ back. They’re gorgeous... and heart breaking.

Things have been tense since he came back. After Jack absorbed Chuck’s powers he brought everyone back and now being more powerful than Chuck ever was, he put the Empty to sleep. Dean jumped on the opportunity to sneak in and “raise him from perdition”. Cas was then presented with a choice: he could go with Jack and reorganise Heaven or he could stay on earth as a human. He gave up his grace without a second thought.

Dean had been waiting for Cas to come to him, to talk about what he said before the Empty took him (he refuses to call it dying, Cas simply isn’t allowed to die!). He hasn’t. And Dean being... well... Dean... he hasn’t got a clue as to how he’s supposed to start that conversation. Who knows, maybe Cas has had a change of heart? Maybe he’s already regretting his decision to be human?

He looks at the picture again. How did this even happen? 2015... what happened in 2014? Oh god... the trails... the fall. He was human. And Dean cast him out. Hell, if he did THIS, what else did he do?!

Dean jumps of the bed, mind made up. He makes his way to Cas’ room, calendar in hand. They’re having a conversation about this. Now.

************

He finds Cas sitting on his bed, reading. Dean sits down next to him and shows him the calendar. Cas’ face pales.

Dean decides to lighten the mood: “Well Cas, gotta say, never pictured you as a centerfold-hottie... sure as hell works though!”

He gives him his most charming smile-and-wink and Cas immediately responds to it.

“I never meant for anyone to find that. I needed money... back when I was human the first time around. Nudity means nothing to me, so... I just... yeah...”

He looks down, seems ashamed. Ok, now Dean really HAS to ask...

“Did you... what else did you do for money?”

Cas looks into his eyes. He squints, his face hardens.

“I didn’t sell my body if that is what you are asking. Only the image of it. You truly think I would do that?!”

Dean looks away... His voice is but a whisper when he says: “I did.”

Unbidden memories come to mind. He can still feel the hard bathroom floor underneath his knees, can still feel the tears running down his face.

“Sometimes we have to do weird shit when we’re in a tight spot. Back when Sammy was in his early teens, he ate like a horse and dad’s funds only got us so far. And some nights I’d lose at pool... so... I...”

For a moment he’s lost in his memories. Lost in shame and grief for the careless boy he never got to be. He’s pulled out of his musings by a hand on his left shoulder. Dean looks up and their eyes meet.

“I worked some odd jobs... anything that wouldn’t lead me to THAT. My time with April had shown me... I never wanted to do that again without... with someone I didn’t love... I got the tattoo and they put up a picture of it. A few days later I was contacted by a photographer. He wanted to do more photoshoots, but I wasn’t comfortable. So, I refused. Should have taken it, though... Working at that gas ‘n sip wasn’t exactly a goldmine.”

They share a laugh. It feels good, it feels like them again.

“You still have the wings tattoo?”

“Yeah. Wouldn’t let my grace heal it. It felt good to have my wings... like a safety blanket. It’s a loss I’ll never stop grieving. Would you... do you want to see them?”

Dean nods and Cas starts removing his T-shirt. It’s still so weird to see him in “normal” clothes. He kept the coat though.

He turns his back to him and Dean is awestruck. The picture didn’t do them justice. There are so many intricate details in them... so many hidden colours even. And then something draws his attention. Four Enochian letters grouped together in a familiar way...

He swallows audibly.

“Can I touch them, Cas?”

“Yes.” His voice is low, his breathing shallow.

When Dean touches the letters, Cas jumps up like a bolt of electricity has passed through him. Dean understands. He feels it too.

“You have my name on your skin.”, he says in awe.

Cas turns around and looks him right in the eyes.

“They were the two things that made me feel safe. The two things that I loved... still love”

Dean doesn’t know if he should laugh or cry. They sure do think as one...

“I had the same idea, you know... After you were gone and we had no idea how to beat Chuck... I was desperate for... I don’t know... something. Anything. Took the jacket with your handprint on it to a local tattoo artist.” He quickly pulls of his own shirt and reveals a handprint tattoo on his left shoulder. “Looks just like the mark you gave me. Made me feel like you were still with me.”

A tear makes its way down his cheek as Cas puts his hand on the tattoo. A perfect match.

It’s all he needs to finally be brave.

“I love you too Cas.”

Their first kiss is salty from the tears they both shed.

Inspiration for Cas’ picture:

https://licieoic.tumblr.com/post/640956074414014464/the-bet-digital-oil-painting-the-bet-on

**Author's Note:**

> Please follow the link to the art that inspired this and give it all your love, it's GORGEOUS!


End file.
